There are days when I’m super feeling empowered, loving my body and my mindset is beyond amazing. However, there are also days when I can stand at the mirror and pick at every flaw imaginable. Let me tell you, I can be bloody brutal. You know how people talking about our ‘inner critics’? Mine’s like being in a burning building on fire and the only way I’m going to be able to save myself is if I repeatedly insult every part of who I am. Surely I’m not alone, right??
1. DITCH THE SOCIAL MEDIA Social media is probably the last thing I need on days like these. There’s nothing quite like seeing a bunch of super lean girls in minimal clothing to boost up your self-esteem… SERIOUSLY THOUGH, angles and lighting are such a big contributor to these Instagram posts with a million likes. I can promise you the photo posted is NOT the first picture taken and it most likely took approximately 58694 photos prior to the one you’re viewing. Yet on days when we get caught up on the little things about our bodies, we forget this. We forget that Instagram is the highlight wheel of people’s lives. You portray whoever you want to be on social media.
2.VALIDATE WHO YOU ARE AT THE CORE You are not entirely comprised of physical characteristics. Even on my bad days I am not my chunky thighs with a dimple on the left leg, my large hips or my bloated stomach. I am so much more than that. Even if you dislike the way you look, remember who you are on the inside. Looks can only get you so far in this world. Find 3 things that you don’t mind about yourself. WRITE THEM DOWN! I don’t care if it’s “my eyes are a nice colour” or “I am kind.” Either of those are valid because there is more to you than the way you look. If you do dislike your physical appearance, make a plan and CHANGE. Validate that you are spinning the wheels into motion for change.
3. RECOGNISE YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS You are what you tell yourself you are. YES, it is corny. BUT it has proved to be true time and time again in my life. Limiting beliefs stop us from getting to where we want to be and achieving our goals. These are often automatic, and we rarely set aside time to question them. If I told myself every day that I am fat the chances are I’m far more likely to engage in a behaviour such as binge eating, which would ultimately lead to weight gain. Again, if I told myself I’ll never feel happy with my body I’m setting myself up to fail. Try your best not to sabotage your own chances at happiness.
4. RE-CREATE YOUR SELF IMAGE You are the only person in control of your life. You have a choice to sit back and listen to your self-limiting beliefs or to do something about them. Think about the kind of person you want to be… Confident? Happy? Attractive? Lean? Intelligent? Tell yourself you are those things until they BECOME your beliefs about yourself. Act as if they are your beliefs. There will come a day when you reach a point that they become your beliefs and thus who you are.
Let’s talk mental illness! This is by far one of my favourite topics and it never ceases to amaze me how powerful our minds are. Periods of sadness, anger, grief and guilt are normal. We all have differing emotional ranges and therefore it really depends on what is abnormal for the individual. This is where our temperament and personality structure comes into play… I have what I would consider to be a higher physiological baseline than some which can make me appear more anxious or highly strung . However, I know that this is MY normal. What wouldn’t be normal for me is if I spent all night unable to sleep and worrying about if my doors were locked and if I’d washed my hands 37 times. KNOW YOUR NORMAL AND ABNORMAL.
Mental illness impacts our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. It is thought to arise from both the interaction of genetic vulnerability and life stresses. What would happen if your uncle died unexpectedly? You would be understandably sad and experiencing grief. This is a normal response due to a triggering event. Eventually you go through the process of grief and you find ways to manage the death of a loved one. A mental illness is ONGOING in frequency for long periods of time. If you were crying every day over this uncle two years later, I’d be questioning the stability of your mental health. Mental illness impacts an individual’s daily life functioning. Unfortunately, there comes a lot of stigma with being diagnosed with a mental health condition. I’ve ALWAYS been a big advocate of decreasing mental health stigma. We can’t blame or judge others for their internal experiences out of their control.
I don’t want to bore you with the literal hundreds of mental health disorders so from here I’ll discuss some of the common ones in Australia but also list some of the other prevalent ones. These disorders are listed within the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (V5) of Mental Disorders and this manual is used widely across the world to assist in the diagnostic process of mental illness.
Mental illness is more common than you’d think… Mental health statistics show that 1 in 9 Australian’s are currently experiencing high or very high psychological distress. Often the onset of mental disorders is around mid-late adolescence when our personalities have been grown into and explored. This is especially accurate when it comes to personality disorders as they look into individual traits and personality structure. The most common mental disorders in 2019 are anxiety and depression.
DEPRESSION. Depression has the highest lifetime prevalence- 1 in 7 experience depression in their life time. At present 1 in 16 Australian’s are experiencing depression. Depression is a mood disorder that is characterised by persistent sadness and hopelessness with a lost in activities one once enjoyed. Mood disorders are more common in females. This needs to last for a two-week period and at least one of the symptoms need to be either (1) a depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure. Below are the diagnostic criteria as per the DSM 5:
Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.
2. Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities
most of the day, nearly every day.
3. Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain, or decrease or
increase in appetite nearly every day.
4. A slowing down of thought and a reduction of physical movement (observable
by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).
5. Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.
6. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every
7. Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every
8. Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific
plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.
ANXIETY. ¼ of Australian’s will experience an anxiety condition in their lifetime. Currently in Australia 1 in 7 people are experiencing an anxiety disorder. When people speak of anxiety they are most likely referring to Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Below are the criteria for GAD:
A. Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation), occurring more days than not for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities (such as work or school performance).
B. The individual finds it difficult to control the worry.
C. The anxiety and worry are associated with three (or more) of the following six symptoms (with at least some symptoms having been present for more days than not for the past 6 months): Note: Only one item required in children. – Restlessness, feeling keyed up or on edge. – Being easily fatigued. – Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank. – Irritability. – Muscle tension. – Sleep disturbance (difficulty falling or staying asleep, or restless, unsatisfying sleep).
D. The anxiety, worry, or physical symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
DISSOCIATIVE DISORDERS: – Dissociative Identity Disorder- Also known as MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER – Dissociative Amnesia
Having a mental illness doesn’t decrease your worth. We all
experience the world differently and are unique. The culture around mental
illness in 2019 is SLOWLY becoming more accepting. Please don’t be ashamed of
the way you think, feel or behave. Know that there is help and recovery DOES
If you relate to any of the disorders I’ve discussed please seek a
medical professional (GP, psychologist, counsellor, social worker). I’ve
attached a link below which has an online mental health assessment which may
help you decide if you should seek help. Additionally, I’ve included a website
where you can take shorter quizzes for the specific types of mental health
My first blog of full content, as requested by a close friend, is based around toxic people and how to deal with them. The term ‘toxic person’ is often interchangeable with terms like narcissists, sociopaths, manipulators and compulsive liars. Unfortunately, toxicity is all around us and I’m willing to bet that as you read this one particular person will come to mind. You know that one person that makes you feel constantly on edge and as if you’re ALWAYS in the wrong? That’s a toxic person. I’ve had my fair share (and maybe a little more) of toxicity in my life. Toxic relationships come in a variety of shapes and sizes: friends, parents, lovers, ex-partners.
It has taken me a long time to learn to be able to recognise myself that someone is toxic. I am an empath. Empaths attract narcissists. Empaths are naturally attuned with how others are feeling. Empaths feel other people’s feelings, are ridiculously empathetic and can easily become emotionally drained in the presence of a toxic person. The key is to realise someone is potentially bad for your wellbeing before they manipulate you into seeing otherwise. Know the warning signs. Some of us never get the opportunity for this… I have a feeling that many of you are living with toxic people in your lives without even realising it.
Here’s what a toxic person might look like if they were in
Toxic people try to control you.
Toxic people disregard your boundaries.
Toxic people take without giving.
Toxic people are always right.
Toxic people are dishonest.
Toxic people love to play the victim role.
Toxic people don’t take responsibility.
Toxic people lack empathy.
Toxic people are selfish.
Toxic people make you feel guilty and exhaust you.
Toxic people hold grudges.
Toxic people leave you feeling as though you never truly know where you stand with them.
Toxic people make you feel on edge, yet something still makes you want to impress them.
Toxic people make you feel like you need to constantly walk around on egg shells.
It’s important to separate the behaviour from the person. It isn’t necessarily a person that is toxic, but more so their behaviour or the relationship you have with them. It’s no surprise that we all have an ugly side and thus the ability to behave in a toxic manner. A relationship has two sides. Yet when we think of toxic relationships we automatically think that person A (toxic) has all the power and person B (victim) has no power. This is by no means true. Often in toxic relationships it is the response that person B gives which continues to fuel that toxicity and keep the cycle going. You are not powerless. You have a choice, remember this.
If life played out in an idealistic way I’d simply say cull the person/people you’ve just recognised as toxic. Sometimes we can justify cutting off people we deem toxic. You could dump your partner, block them on social media and never see them again. Go on a toxic cleanse…However, life isn’t always simple and sometimes there are people in our lives that can’t be avoided, such as family.
My first piece of advice is BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES. Reinstate them. You can’t please everyone, nor should you try to. It’s time to prioritise yourself! Secondly, you can try creating distance rather than complete separation. Don’t spend as much time with this person and make them a less influential part of your life. Something I learnt in my own journey with toxic people is learning not to make yourself so vulnerable to their toxicity. Understand that you are worthy enough NOT to live with such toxicity. By increasing boundaries and making ourselves less vulnerable we can prove we hold the power in our lives.
Hope my ramble helps someone make a good decision out there somewhere! Any questions or future requests let me know. Until next time,