2: Kick the Toxic

My first blog of full content, as requested by a close friend, is based around toxic people and how to deal with them. The term ‘toxic person’ is often interchangeable with terms like narcissists, sociopaths, manipulators and compulsive liars. Unfortunately, toxicity is all around us and I’m willing to bet that as you read this one particular person will come to mind.  You know that one person that makes you feel constantly on edge and as if you’re ALWAYS in the wrong? That’s a toxic person. I’ve had my fair share (and maybe a little more) of toxicity in my life. Toxic relationships come in a variety of shapes and sizes: friends, parents, lovers, ex-partners.  

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It has taken me a long time to learn to be able to recognise myself that someone is toxic. I am an empath. Empaths attract narcissists. Empaths are naturally attuned with how others are feeling. Empaths feel other people’s feelings, are ridiculously empathetic and can easily become emotionally drained in the presence of a toxic person. The key is to realise someone is potentially bad for your wellbeing before they manipulate you into seeing otherwise. Know the warning signs. Some of us never get the opportunity for this… I have a feeling that many of you are living with toxic people in your lives without even realising it.

Here’s what a toxic person might look like if they were in your life:

  1. Toxic people try to control you.
  2. Toxic people disregard your boundaries.
  3. Toxic people take without giving.
  4. Toxic people are always right.
  5. Toxic people are dishonest.
  6. Toxic people love to play the victim role.
  7. Toxic people don’t take responsibility.
  8. Toxic people lack empathy.
  9. Toxic people are selfish.
  10. Toxic people make you feel guilty and exhaust you.
  11. Toxic people hold grudges.
  12. Toxic people leave you feeling as though you never truly know where you stand with them.
  13. Toxic people make you feel on edge, yet something still makes you want to impress them.
  14. Toxic people make you feel like you need to constantly walk around on egg shells.

It’s important to separate the behaviour from the person. It isn’t necessarily a person that is toxic, but more so their behaviour or the relationship you have with them. It’s no surprise that we all have an ugly side and thus the ability to behave in a toxic manner. A relationship has two sides. Yet when we think of toxic relationships we automatically think that person A (toxic) has all the power and person B (victim) has no power. This is by no means true. Often in toxic relationships it is the response that person B gives which continues to fuel that toxicity and keep the cycle going. You are not powerless. You have a choice, remember this.

If life played out in an idealistic way I’d simply say cull the person/people you’ve just recognised as toxic. Sometimes we can justify cutting off people we deem toxic. You could dump your partner, block them on social media and never see them again. Go on a toxic cleanse…However, life isn’t always simple and sometimes there are people in our lives that can’t be avoided, such as family.

My first piece of advice is BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES. Reinstate them. You can’t please everyone, nor should you try to. It’s time to prioritise yourself! Secondly, you can try creating distance rather than complete separation. Don’t spend as much time with this person and make them a less influential part of your life. Something I learnt in my own journey with toxic people is learning not to make yourself so vulnerable to their toxicity. Understand that you are worthy enough NOT to live with such toxicity. By increasing boundaries and making ourselves less vulnerable we can prove we hold the power in our lives.

Hope my ramble helps someone make a good decision out there somewhere! Any questions or future requests let me know. Until next time,

-B